Awesome Genesis 22

After these things, The Boy tested Kostas. He said to him, `Kostas!'

And he said, `Here I am.'

He said, `Take your son, your only son, GreekBoy, whom you love, and go to the land of Greenlake, and offer him there as a burnt-offering on one of the mountains that I shall show you.’

So Kostas rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, (yeah he did) and took two of his young women with him, and his son GreekBoy; he cut the wood for the burnt-offering, and set out and went to the place in the distance that God had shown him.

On the third day Kostas looked up and saw the place far away.

Then Kostas said to his young women, ‘Stay here with the donkey; the boy and I will go over there; we will worship, and then we will come back to you.’

Kostas took the wood of the burnt-offering and laid it on his son GreekBoy, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. So the two of them walked on together.

GreekBoy said to his father Kostas, ‘Father!’ And he said, ‘Here I am, my son.’ He said, ‘The fire and the wood are here, but where is the lamb for a burnt-offering?’

Kostas said, ‘God himself will provide the lamb for a burnt-offering, my son. Or goat, or lamb, either way they all are delicious.’ So the two of them walked on together.

When they came to the place that The Boy had shown him, Kostas built an altar there and laid the wood in order. He bound his son GreekBoy, and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.

Then Kostas reached out his hand and took the knife to kill his son.

But the angel of The Boy called to him from heaven, and said, ‘Kostas, Kostas!’ And he said, ‘Here I am.’

He said, ‘Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear The Boy, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.’

And Kostas looked up and saw a ram, caught in a thicket by its horns. Kostas went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt-offering instead of his son.

So Kostas called that place ‘The Lord will provide’; as it is said to this day, ‘On the mount of The Boy it shall be provided.’

The angel of The Boy called to Kostas a second time from heaven, and said, ‘By myself I have sworn, says The Boy: Because you have done this, and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will indeed bless you, and I will make your offspring as numerous as the stars of heaven and as the sand that is on the seashore. And your offspring shall possess the gate of their enemies, and by your offspring shall all the nations of the earth gain blessing for themselves, because you have obeyed my voice.’ So Kostas returned to his young women, and they arose and went together to Capitol Hill; and Kostas lived at Capitol Hill.

And thus from that day, because of Kostas totally misunderstood The Boy, and thought The Boy was mad, mad because he at the last moment took his son away and offered a ram instead; that the angel had tricked him; that The Boy had tricked him; no longer do we allow men into the doors of Awesome Manor, except for the slave men that report up to the women. It is an unfortunate misunderstanding.